在國外，常喜歡獨自找一些自己有興趣的地方來遊覽。而大部分有當地旅行社
承攬這些觀光業務。不同國家，不同種族的人混在一起去參訪遊覽，有時也是
一種新奇的經驗。此次在希臘開會也利用空檔參加參觀希臘神殿的旅遊。
車上35人，有20人來自匈牙利、丹麥、美國、土耳其、法國等等的歐美國家，
其他人均來自台灣；我，及台灣14人組團的觀光客！散客21人坐前座，而14人
旅行團擠在後排。
在車上，有輕柔優美的音樂欣賞，路上遇有些奇景時，司機導遊先生都會講解
當地特殊風俗或將歷史典故娓娓道來；司機導遊經驗老到，說起故事詼諧幽默
，談笑風生，常引起前面的人哄堂大笑，而在後座的同胞有聽沒有懂，一致吵
吵鬧鬧要求領隊翻譯。
逼不得已，旅行團領隊只好在司機導遊說完話後再翻譯成中文；由於風俗習慣
的不同，翻譯程度的差異，使得在翻譯成中文後引起台灣同胞的熱烈討論，大
聲喧嚷的討論常引起其他前座觀光客側目不已舉個例子：司機導遊說……
「傳說中，克里特島王願以清晨所見第一隻牡牛宰殺獻祭向海神普希頓
祈求平安，但牡牛實在漂亮，島王麥羅克思遂以自養的牡牛代替。這
舉動被海神知道後，故意設計讓島王麥羅克思的妻子和牡牛畸戀，進
而生下牛頭人身妖怪迷洛塔，麥羅克思於是建造迷宮將妖怪關入其中
，並從雅典每年選7名童男童女給他吃……………」
旅行團領隊是這樣翻譯的：
「那個蝦米碗糕的國王拿一隻牛來祭天，牛跑走去跟王妃相幹（天啊！
翻得真鄉土），生下畸形小孩一個，關到精神病院，每年只給他吃7
頓………」
同胞們討論於焉開始：
「哇！我在A片只看到人跟狗，沒有看見人跟牛……」
「我家隔壁上月也生畸形兒，生下來就死了，不知是不是跟……」
「怎麼不送醫院？長庚醫院整形做得不錯………」
「每年只吃7頓，那不是餓得散比巴？難怪逃不出精神病院……」
車上如菜市場般喧嘩此起彼落尚可忍受，遲到就受不了！
在一日之間要參觀4處神殿廟宇是趕了點，但每處均有一小時半的佇足參觀照
相及聆聽導遊解說。如果不到處買紀念品，時間仍是綽綽有餘。可是，shopping
是咱台灣人的天性，也許導遊的解說聽不懂，因此，每到一處遊覽地點，咱的
同胞先是照相,然後就去購買紀念品啦！等到開車時間到了，才三三兩兩意興闌
珊的上車，一點都不會覺得抱歉。譬如12:10要開車，12:30還在商店選購東西，
甚至把他們領隊叫下車要與廠商討價還價一番……
司機忍耐許久，終於在參觀巴思農(Parthenon)神殿後爆發，約好14:30開車，
14:40散客全部上車了，旅行團只有4人在車上，其餘人員還在商品閒逛，司機
先生一氣之下，口中嚷叫著一連串不堪入耳的穢語，關起車門直奔下一站-----
宙斯神殿。
車上4人慌了手腳，司機正值怒氣當頭，加上英文有懂不會說，有苦難訴，一致望著我，希望我出個主意。本抱著看好戲的心理來看後續，但，血濃於水
，不幫忙的話實在說不過去，怎麼辦？？想到在高雄每次租A片都報自己是：
鄭蠻灰、章小帆…，現在倒可如法炮製一番…
跟同胞4人耳語一番後，我們五人一起站在司機旁由我開口：
「我來自台灣！這些跟我一樣東方人面孔的旅遊團員，是來自日本！由
於風俗習慣的不同，他們錯認為遲到是理所當然的事，為此，他們四
人在此向大家道歉！」
「素米麻現！」四人90度鞠躬哈腰，一致大聲喊出日語：「對不起！」
參觀完宙斯神殿司機將車開回雅典之時，才見被放粉鳥的十人團員氣沖沖的趕
到，我連忙下車對他們說：
「我知道你們很幹，這樣好了，上車時一人限罵一句話來出氣，我來
翻譯，不過，幫個忙，開口先前先說：素米麻現！」
車門關上緩緩前行，一陣肅殺的氣息持續在車上蔓延，我佇立在司機旁，拿
著麥克風，第一位同胞走到跟前，啟口：
「素米麻現！…賽你周媽！阿肚仔，給你爸記到，放我粉鳥……」
「對不起，謹在此向大家附上我誠摯的道歉，原諒我………」
「素米麻現！…哇靠！! 洋鬼子就能欺負人嗎??!! 我操！…………」
「對不起，由於我的無知讓大家等我，實在慚愧……………」
「素米麻現！…你娘喂！你們以後生小孩沒屁眼…………」
「對不起，浪費各位寶貴時間，下次一定守時………」
「素米麻現！…他媽媽的，美金、歐元比台幣值錢就跩起來…下車單挑」
「對不起，不守時與說話大聲是我們日本人的壞習慣，
我們會慢慢改正……」
旅行團領隊此時站起來，張口結舌，欲言又止，兩手在頭上揮舞像似要制止
又不知如何是好，最後頹然放棄地坐下來……此時，有些同胞玩出興趣來，
不時加油加醋，表演生動…
「素米麻現！…下次再這樣欺負我們，我就砍…砍…砍死你們臭老外！」
一名同胞先是90一鞠躬，然後面帶微笑說出話，同時雙手在腹部交互做砍殺
狀，似乎在靠考驗我的「翻譯」能力……
「對不起，我們的日本人的惡習實在無法立即改變，
請瞭解並原諒我，否則我準備在此切腹謝罪！」
「-----------諸位，能諒解這些日本人行為舉止者，請鼓掌！」
話一說畢，前面20名歐美遊客不約而同一起大力鼓掌，深怕不拍手的話，真
的會有人因此而切腹；在後座的14名台灣同胞也為我精湛的「翻譯」吹哨叫
好……
我靠在窗旁微寐，車箱後座喧嘩依舊，只不過每句中文的起頭仍然是「素米
麻現！」……
車，載著14名說日本語的可愛台灣人，往雅典的方向駛回……^_^
Monday, October 8, 2007
Sunday, October 7, 2007
真實的法庭中所發生的趣事
一日某法官如常，在審理案件，
這時，移送了一名，在聲色場所逮捕的少女，
下面是法官，在詢問少女關於案情時，書記官所做紀錄的節錄。
法官問：你的職業是？
少女答：公主。
法官問：哪一國的？
少女答：．．．．．．．．．（少女不答）
這時，移送了一名，在聲色場所逮捕的少女，
下面是法官，在詢問少女關於案情時，書記官所做紀錄的節錄。
法官問：你的職業是？
少女答：公主。
法官問：哪一國的？
少女答：．．．．．．．．．（少女不答）
好毒的問診
醫生~~
一位男士難為情地說道，
「我的性能力出了問題。我和太太在一起的時候，始終無法勃起。」
「王先生，明天帶你太太一起來，我先看看再說。」
第二天，憂心忡忡的先生帶著太太來找醫生。
「請把妳衣服脫掉，王太太。」
王太太依言褪盡衣衫。
「麻煩妳轉一圈。嗯，好，」醫生繼續說道，
「現在麻煩妳躺到床上，雙腿打開。
嗯，這樣子。
好！現在妳可以把衣服穿起來了。」
接著醫生把王先生拉到一旁，對他說：
「王先生，你的性能力沒有問題，
你太太也沒讓我勃起。」
一位男士難為情地說道，
「我的性能力出了問題。我和太太在一起的時候，始終無法勃起。」
「王先生，明天帶你太太一起來，我先看看再說。」
第二天，憂心忡忡的先生帶著太太來找醫生。
「請把妳衣服脫掉，王太太。」
王太太依言褪盡衣衫。
「麻煩妳轉一圈。嗯，好，」醫生繼續說道，
「現在麻煩妳躺到床上，雙腿打開。
嗯，這樣子。
好！現在妳可以把衣服穿起來了。」
接著醫生把王先生拉到一旁，對他說：
「王先生，你的性能力沒有問題，
你太太也沒讓我勃起。」
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Who? Hu?
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
Bush: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Rice: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
Bush: Great. Lay it on me.
Rice: Hu is the new leader of China.
Bush: That's what I want to know.
Rice: That's what I'm telling you.
Bush: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China ?
Rice: Yes.
Bush: I mean the fellow's name.
Rice: Hu.
Bush: The guy in China .
Rice: Hu.
Bush: The new leader of China .
Rice: Hu.
Bush: The Chinaman!
Rice: Hu is leading China .
Bush: Now whaddya asking me for?
Rice: I'm telling you Hu is leading China .
Bush: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China ?
Rice: That's the mans name.
Bush: That's who's name?
Rice: Yes.
Bush: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China ?
Rice: Yes, sir.
Bush: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China ?
I thought he was in the Middle East.
Rice: That's correct.
Bush: Then who is in China ?
Rice: Yes, sir.
Bush: Yassir is in China ?
Rice: No, sir.
Bush: Then who is?
Rice: Yes, sir.
Bush: Yassir?
Rice: No, sir.
Bush: Look, Rice. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Rice: Kofi? (Kofi Anan)
Bush: No, thanks.
Rice: You want Kofi?
Bush: No.
Rice: You don't want Kofi.
Bush: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Rice: Yes, sir.
Bush: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Rice: Kofi?
Bush: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Rice: And call who?
Bush: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Rice: Hu is the guy in China .
Bush: Will you stay out of China ?!
Rice: Yes, sir.
Bush: And stay out of the Middle East !
Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Rice: Kofi.
Bush: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Rice: Rice, here.
Bush: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too.
Maybe we should send some to the guy in China .
And the Middle East.
Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East ?
Bush: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Rice: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
Bush: Great. Lay it on me.
Rice: Hu is the new leader of China.
Bush: That's what I want to know.
Rice: That's what I'm telling you.
Bush: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China ?
Rice: Yes.
Bush: I mean the fellow's name.
Rice: Hu.
Bush: The guy in China .
Rice: Hu.
Bush: The new leader of China .
Rice: Hu.
Bush: The Chinaman!
Rice: Hu is leading China .
Bush: Now whaddya asking me for?
Rice: I'm telling you Hu is leading China .
Bush: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China ?
Rice: That's the mans name.
Bush: That's who's name?
Rice: Yes.
Bush: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China ?
Rice: Yes, sir.
Bush: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China ?
I thought he was in the Middle East.
Rice: That's correct.
Bush: Then who is in China ?
Rice: Yes, sir.
Bush: Yassir is in China ?
Rice: No, sir.
Bush: Then who is?
Rice: Yes, sir.
Bush: Yassir?
Rice: No, sir.
Bush: Look, Rice. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Rice: Kofi? (Kofi Anan)
Bush: No, thanks.
Rice: You want Kofi?
Bush: No.
Rice: You don't want Kofi.
Bush: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Rice: Yes, sir.
Bush: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Rice: Kofi?
Bush: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Rice: And call who?
Bush: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Rice: Hu is the guy in China .
Bush: Will you stay out of China ?!
Rice: Yes, sir.
Bush: And stay out of the Middle East !
Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Rice: Kofi.
Bush: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Rice: Rice, here.
Bush: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too.
Maybe we should send some to the guy in China .
And the Middle East.
Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East ?
理論與實際
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In this class, theory and practice are combined: nothing
works and no one knows why.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In this class, theory and practice are combined: nothing
works and no one knows why.
He is not George.
George died in a fire. He's badly burn and can't be recognized.
Thus, cop called his two friends, Mike and John, to identify George.
When Mike came and saw the body. He told cop "Flip him over."
Cop did what he said. Mike looked at George's butt and said "no, not George."
Cop asked "how can u be sure?" Mike answered, "Cuz George has two assholes."
Then it's John's turn. John said the same thing, "Flip him over."
Cop fliped the body. John looked at George's butt and said "no, that's not him."
Cop asked "how can u be sure?" John said "Cuz George has two assholes."
The cops were confused and called both Mike and John.
The captain said "Are you sure that's not George."
Both answered "Yeah". The captain said "cuz he has two assholes? how?"
Mike and John said "Whenever three of us go to village, we always hear
people said 'lo, there comes George with those two assholes!"
Thus, cop called his two friends, Mike and John, to identify George.
When Mike came and saw the body. He told cop "Flip him over."
Cop did what he said. Mike looked at George's butt and said "no, not George."
Cop asked "how can u be sure?" Mike answered, "Cuz George has two assholes."
Then it's John's turn. John said the same thing, "Flip him over."
Cop fliped the body. John looked at George's butt and said "no, that's not him."
Cop asked "how can u be sure?" John said "Cuz George has two assholes."
The cops were confused and called both Mike and John.
The captain said "Are you sure that's not George."
Both answered "Yeah". The captain said "cuz he has two assholes? how?"
Mike and John said "Whenever three of us go to village, we always hear
people said 'lo, there comes George with those two assholes!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)